Since it was given to me I’ve moved eight times. And as I’ve packed each old house, it’s found its way into the boxes. I’ll be discarding reams of stuff and come across it, where I’d forgotten it was, and let it wait as I move on to other things. I always consider tossing it, except that’s always dismissed, and as the last of my … Read More →
All The Questions I Have About Hipster Sex
Hipsters procreate. At least, they have to. They’re human, so they must be controlled by the same carnal urges we all are. Our dream of hipsters being asexual and their breed dying out is probably just that. And hipsters are an insular group. Let’s be honest. They aren’t fucking black people. They’re doing each other. So to answer your question, yes. I have been thinking … Read More →
On The Responsibility of Love.
Whenever I break off casual flings, I have a tendency to put my explanations as prosaically as possible. I can’t recall a conversation at the end of one where what I actually felt was the reason I gave for ending things. Except recently. Very recently. I’d gone on several dates with someone and we were, well, we were very compatible. Like the early stages were … Read More →
Drunk Mailbag 18
There are some milestones in life no one should be proud of hitting. Getting your first DUI. That time you masturbated in the office bathroom. Having a child. Those are the ones you swore you would never do, but—all of a sudden—because of life, you find yourself doing awful shit. That happened to me last night. I sent someone a shirtless selfie. I do not … Read More →
The Cicadas Guide to Dating in 2013
‘Sup cicadas. Welcome back. I haven’t seen you in…. man… feels like forever. Seventeen years? Alright. Come on. Let’s cut this small talk bullshit. I know why you’re back. You’re here to get laid. /slowly shakes head … you are in for a surprise. This ain’t ’96, bugs. You can’t toss your Cherry Poppin’ Daddies CD into your Discman with 15 seconds ESP and saunter … Read More →